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As you face the implications of your unplanned pregnancy and consider whether the adoption option is the best for you and your baby, you may feel confused by all the information you’re offered. It’s a huge decision and one that involves understanding a pretty complicated process you may only have heard about in movies or on TV.
Like most courageous steps, considering adoption nearly always begins with feelings of uncertainty, perhaps even some fear, and lots of questions. Answering these questions in a clear and logical way can help put confusion and fear to rest.
Keep telling yourself you have all the time you need to make a wise, thoughtful and positive decision for yourself and your unborn child.
Feel free to ask for help from our Adoption Counselors at any time. You can reach one of our adoption specialists by e-mail at AdoptionsCounselor@gmail.com or by calling 1-888-629-5437.
You can start the thinking-through process on your own with the sets of questions that follow. You can print out both sets of questions by clicking on the titles, so you can have them to read and reflect on at your convenience. These are the kinds of questions prospective parents need to ask themselves when they’re considering adoption. Parenting means a lot of changes and challenges, no matter what your life circumstances.
When the time comes to speak with one of our Adoption Counselors, bring in your answers to these questions and all the other questions you wish to discuss with her.
Courageous Questions
DO I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PARENT (right now)?
1. What do I want out of life now? What do I want a few years from now? What do I want my life to look like in 10 or 15 years?
2. Would I be able to handle being a parent to a child plus having a job and/or going to school at the same time? How would I handle work and school with an infant who isn’t sleeping through the night yet or when I have a toddler running around? When my child’s real needs conflict (and they will at some point) with my job demands or school schedules, how will I cope? Who will help me?
3. How well have I managed my time and juggled the demands of school and job or other activities in the past?
4. How do I feel about giving up the freedom to do what I want to do whenever I want to do it, so that I can meet the needs of a child?
5. What is an example of something I might have to give up if I choose to parent my child? Would I resent my child for having to give this up in order to care for him or her?
6. How well do I budget money so that my bills and needs are covered each month?
7. The average cost of raising a child is $1,050 per month.* Can I afford this?
8. Do I enjoy being with babies? How about toddlers or older children? What do I like about spending time with children? What do I find difficult?
9. Would I be able to raise my child in the neighborhood I’m living in right now?
10. How would parenting a child change my plans for my future? How might a child affect my other relationships?
11. Am I willing to give up a great part of my life – 18 YEARS AT A MINIMUM – to being a responsible parent?
12. What kind of time, space and privacy do I need for myself? How might having a child interfere with my need for this time and space and privacy?
13. Am I good at sharing what I have with others? With children?
14. How do I feel after I’ve been around infants or small children for a while? How do I feel when children are ‘happy’? When they’re whiney or demanding or fussy or sick?
15. Am I ready for the primary responsibility of caring for another human life 24/7?
16. Can I count on my family and friends for support? For help with child care? For financial and practical assistance in emergencies?
17. If you’re single, ask: Do I plan to continue dating? How will my dating affect my child’s life? How will a child affect my future dating?
18. Do I know what it takes to keep a baby, a toddler, a child, a middle-schooler, a teenager healthy and safe?
19. How well do I take care of my own health and safety? How will I manage the health and safety of a child and the expenses involved in providing those for a baby?
20. How long can I go without sleep? How does going without sleep affect my ability to work, go to school and care for others?
21. How well do I manage the regular tasks involved in daily life – things like shopping, meal planning, cooking, house cleaning, laundry? How will I get those things done while I also care for my baby?
22. How do I usually handle my anger and frustration? What do I usually do when I get angry or upset? Might I take out my frustration or anger on a child?
23. Did I like the way I was raised by my parents? Are there any mistakes that were made with me that would I want to avoid in parenting my own child?
24. What is discipline? How was I disciplined as a child? How would I discipline a toddler? A preschooler? A school-age child? What is being “too strict” or not being strict enough?
25. Do I expect that my child will make my life happy? Am I really ready to become a parent at this point in my life?
*from the 2005 Consumer Expenditure Survey, Bureau of Statistics of the US Dept of Labor
(Source for some questions above: Loving & Caring, Inc., Lancaster, PA 17601)
Personalizing The Adoption Option
1. Now that you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, what are your options? (If you don’t know you’re pregnant for sure, don’t know when your due date is, or don’t have any idea what these options might be, ask for help from AdoptionsCounselor@gmail.com or call 1-888-629-KIDS.)
2. Are you still involved with the father of the baby you’re carrying? Whether the answer is yes or no, write a sentence or two to explain.
3. Do you plan to marry the father of the baby? Why or why not?
4. Have you spoken with your parents about your pregnancy or the idea of adoption? What has been their reaction? What do other family members think about adoption?
5. Before you got pregnant, what were your goals....
.....for school?
.....for a job?
.....for your relationships?
How does your pregnancy affect each area of those goals?
6. Which of the options – parenting or planning an adoption – best help you achieve your goals?
7. Make a list of some of the fears and hopes and expectations you currently have about your pregnancy.
8. Do you personally know anyone who is adopted? Do you know anyone who made an adoption plan for their baby? What impressions about adoption did these experiences give you?
9. Do you have a plan in place for prenatal care? Will you need assistance in getting medical and prenatal care? How much do you know about caring for yourself and your unborn baby during pregnancy?
10. Make a list of all the things that concern you about the option of adoption. Be sure to discuss these concerns with an Adoption Counselor.
Would you like more information about adoption?
E-mail AdoptionsCounselor@gmail.com or call 1-888-629-KIDS.
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